When a couple meets me for the first time, I usually ask them to describe the wedding they picture in their imagination.
This is so I can see the wedding both the groom and the bride are picturing — and most of the time, that picture is clear on the details rather than the big picture. You’ll find it easier to talk about the color of the flowers at the event than what will actually happen during the event. This is normal for every couple starting to plan their wedding.
Today I’d like to share a technique from the book Rework by JASON FRIED.
It talks about starting a business, which of course can also be applied to starting to plan a wedding.
“Don’t focus on the details at the start.” Many times I give couples this advice, when most of our focus goes straight into the details during our first conversation — which happens to line up exactly with the book’s advice, so I wanted to share it.
The book gives the example that an architect doesn’t design a house by starting with what tile pattern to lay in the bathroom before the floor plan of the house is finished, and goes on to explain that focusing only on the details at the start leads to
(1) leads to conflicting opinions
(2) small meetings that delay the work
(3) small decisions that often end up changing later
All of these really do happen — from observing couples who come for consultations, there are many small decisions that have to be completely redone once we get the real overall picture of the event. Those small changes end up creating conflict between the couple as well.
The book quotes Walt Stanchfield, the master animator of Walt Disney Studios, who said:
“Always forget the details at the start, because the details don’t help at the beginning.”
The author also adds that at the start, you often don’t even know yet which details matter until you actually get into doing the thing (especially for couples, almost none of whom have ever been married before).
To be able to do this consistently, we may need to force ourselves — as the author gives the example of drawing with a thick-tipped marker instead of a fine ballpoint pen, because the thick line forces us not to focus on details, since it’s hard to draw them during the drafting stage. He explains that details are indeed important, but we shouldn’t obsess over them at the start, as that will get in the way of our first steps into the project.
This is advice from a business book that I found useful for wedding planning, so I wanted to share it. My role in coaching, or consulting, couples planning their wedding is much like acting as that thick marker at the start — to help the couple focus on what matters first, and then invite them into the details later. I’ll bring the mindset and working approach of a wedding specialist to share with you. See you then.
Planning a legally-recognized Nikah in Thailand? Start here →