Why Muslim Teens Choose to Cut Ties with Their Family: Factors and Approaches from Islamic Family Principles

Children choosing to cut ties with their family is becoming increasingly common, even in Muslim families, where religion and culture serve as a guide for building stable relationships. Cutting ties within a family is not an easy decision, and is often a last resort arising from complex problems. This article analyzes the main problems that lead children to choose to distance themselves, as well as approaches from Islamic principles for building strong and sustainable family relationships.

Main factors leading to estrangement between children and family

1. Conflict and betrayal in family relationships
   Betrayal is one of the key factors causing family breakdown, especially in cases where the family has experienced severe events such as divorce, remarriage, or the abandonment of children from a first marriage. Research from 2021 shows that families in which the parents stay together have a greater chance of the child reconciling than families in which the parents have divorced or remarried. In addition, children tend to cut ties with the father more than the mother when there has been prolonged conflict or when they feel abandoned. Betrayal arising from a failure to maintain family relationships with moral integrity may be a factor that prevents the relationship from being restored.
2. Upbringing lacking love and neglectful (toxic parenting)
   Upbringing that lacks support and understanding causes children to feel pain and isolation. Research by Dr. Susan Forward in the book Toxic Parents explains the impact of upbringing that lacks love and empathy, which can leave deep and lasting scars on a child’s mind. This pain leads them to decide to cut ties in order to find peace of mind and protect themselves from continued suffering.
3. Differences in beliefs and lifestyle
   Conflicts over beliefs, religion, and culture are important factors that worsen the relationship between parents and children, such as when a child chooses a lifestyle different from the family, or holds different views on religion and how to live. A study by Dr. Kristina Coop Gordon shows that families with strict adherence to rigid values tend to have a higher likelihood of conflict, leading to estrangement due to a failure to accept each other’s thoughts and attitudes. This is especially true in Muslim families, where expectations around religious practice may be high. Communication that lacks respect can cause accumulated pain over the long term.
4. Lack of emotional stability and unconstructive communication
   Communication that is not gentle and is filled with criticism causes children to feel misunderstood and pressured. Research by the Gottman Institute states that communication filled with empathy and giving children the opportunity to freely express their opinions helps reduce conflict within the family. When parents do not accept their children’s opinions, or rely mainly on criticism, this may create pain to the point that children must choose to distance themselves in order to protect their own mental health.
5. Excessive expectations regarding roles and control
   In some families, parents having high expectations and clinging to traditional roles causes children to feel that they cannot be themselves, such as being expected to choose a career that suits their parents, or to marry according to the family’s wishes. When these expectations become pressure and dissatisfaction, children may feel that they are not loved for who they are, and so decide to distance themselves to find peace of mind and freedom in how they live their life.

Approaches to improving relationships according to Islamic family principles

Cutting ties may not be the final answer in every case. Islamic family principles place importance on building stable and sustainable relationships founded on compassion, respect, and empathy, as follows:

1. Create a safe and understanding environment
   According to Islamic principles, the family should be a stable and safe refuge for expressing feelings and opinions, avoiding criticism or hurtful language. Listening and open-hearted communication will help build a sustainable relationship.
2. Respect the child’s choices and life path
   Islam teaches respect for each other’s opinions and decisions, even if they do not match what the parents expect. Families that give children the opportunity to participate in decision-making and respect their individuality have a greater chance of a stable relationship. Parents should give advice with gentleness, not through force or control.
3. Emotional support and compassion
   The family should be a source of emotional support that helps children feel safe and confident. Expressing compassion and concern without expecting anything in return will make children feel genuine love and acceptance according to Islamic principles. Expressing love in every way possible will help children face various problems with confidence, and be able to rely on the family as an important pillar in times of challenge.
4. Communicate with gentleness and truly listen
   Islamic principles encourage parents and children to communicate with gentleness, without emotion or criticism. Listening attentively and giving children the opportunity to freely express their own opinions will help build a strong relationship and reduce conflict. Research by the Gottman Institute confirms that communication filled with respect and mutual honor increases confidence and understanding within the family.
5. Create a balance between adherence to religious principles and flexibility in understanding children
   Following religious principles within the family is important for Muslims, but placing importance on flexibility in understanding children’s differences is another factor that helps build strength within the family. If parents can adapt to changes of the times and accept differences, this will make children feel safe in expressing their identity and opinions, while still maintaining a stable connection to religion.

Conclusion

Muslim children cutting ties with their family is the result of many factors related to conflict and insufficient understanding. Applying Islamic principles to build an open-hearted family, respect one another, and communicate with compassion will help reduce conflict and build strong, sustainable relationships. Parents should be open to accepting their children’s individuality, respect their decisions, and build a love that serves as an emotional refuge for their children. A stable and understanding family relationship is an important foundation for preventing estrangement in the future.

References

1. Forward, S. (1989). Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life. Bantam.
2. Pillemer, K. (2020). Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them. Avery.
3. Gordon, K. C., et al. (2019). Differences in Family Functioning and the Impact of Beliefs on Estrangement. Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy.
4. Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
5. Ainsworth, M. D. S., & Bowlby, J. (1991). An Ethological Approach to Personality Development. American Psychologist.

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