Don’t Let Wedding Planning Make You Love Each Other Less

Don’t let wedding planning make you love each other less.
Because you love each other, you get married and hold a wedding to declare that love. But often, during the process of planning it, we end up loving each other less. Why? We first need to understand the nature of marriage — that organizing a wedding is the first time two families come together to do something as one. Besides the couple themselves, you’ll be hit by the love of both families, along with questions, doubts, distrust, trust, support, joy, worry, challenges, confidence, hope, and the expectations of everyone around you, all mixed together — both positive and negative energy — the moment you start planning the wedding. If we don’t set ourselves up well from the start, a wedding that began as exciting and fun can end up making you love each other less, and stumble in the end.

So I always remind the couples who come to consult me:

Planning a wedding is a test of your love, and of whether you’re strong enough

to become a new family,

and of how you handle everything that comes at you, especially the negative energy.

A father-in-law or mother-in-law who doesn’t like you, because they hoped their daughter would find someone better off.
Relatives who don’t agree with the wedding because you’re of different religions, or issues over the dowry, who pays for what, and many other things.

What’s interesting is that many problems we think are unique to us — why are we so unlucky? — are, in fact, problems that come up in almost every family. It’s just that no one talks about them, because they’re private matters. So we only ever see the beautiful, front-facing image of weddings, which leads us to mistakenly believe other couples have had it smooth and problem-free, when in reality those couples had to fight through just as much as we do.

When problems come flooding in as you start planning your wedding, always remember:

“Your relationship is normal, just like everyone else’s.”

Your relationship isn’t abnormal. The problems you’re facing aren’t any heavier than anyone else’s, and you’re being tested in the same way every couple who has made it through has been tested. Keep this advice close: your relationship is not alone in this. When problems arise, show that the two of you are on the same team — listen to each other. Don’t act as a representative of your own family and fight with the person you love. Show that you’re on the same team.
And don’t neglect or dismiss the opinions and feelings of both sets of elders, whether or not they love you — because when we love their son or daughter, we should share that love with their family too, and then the various problems will resolve themselves.

Don’t let getting married make you love each other less — instead, let it make you love each other more. See you at the next one.

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